


in a state of closed heart

by zeromiles



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Arranged Marriage, M/M, Unrequited Love, he appears for like two paragraphs, nakamoto yuta the real OG, somewhat angsty i guess, teen and up for language and sexual references, theyre married but jaehyun doesnt love doyoung :(, title from 21 by dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 05:37:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10960812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeromiles/pseuds/zeromiles
Summary: "Let me just get this straight." is the first thing out of Doyoung's husband-to-be's mouth. "I don't want to marry you at all. The person I love is someone else."





	in a state of closed heart

**Author's Note:**

> it is 2 am my dude my eyes are spicy and my finger hurt but i finished it
> 
> im not sure how to tag this fic i hope u liked it tho???

"Let me just get this straight." is the first thing out of Doyoung's husband-to-be's mouth. "I don't want to marry you at all. The person I love is someone else."

So his marriage is crushed before it even started. Was he really expecting anything different?

"Well, same with you." Doyoung arches an eyebrow and smoothly lies through his lips. Who is he kidding. The closest thing to love he ever got was a kindergarten crush over ten years ago, where he'd been in love with a cartoon animation on television. Imagine the fuss when he'd realized he couldn't marry a bunch of pixels on screen. Poor, poor, kindergarten Doyoung. His little kindergarten heart stomped on. "I was never interested in this arrangement in the first place."

Jaehyun nods. He looks pleased. Doyoung hates him. "That's good. So we have reached an agreement to stay out of each other's business, then?"

Doyoung wonders if this is how all arranged marriages go.

+

Discretely cheat on each other as they might, they are still married. They are still tied together til death do them part by law, by the golden band around their ring fingers that Jaehyun removes every morning to greet his _real_ love. They still live together, Jaehyun still returns in the evening from wherever he's been to deal with Doyoung's moping at home. It's like having a roommate, almost.

But they still sleep in the same bed. Still pretend like they are in love in front of company. Still hold arms in public.

Still share kisses.

And Jaehyun is so gentle. So unlike the brash, cold man he is when they are private. He smiles his charming smile at Doyoung as he offers his arm, and Doyoung is melting. But it's all fake, and he knows it. The smile that fades as soon as the next middle-aged lady finishes cooing over them. The steady arm that grows limp after the company is done. The dashing, prince-like personality disappearing to the real Jaehyun: prickly, childish, and not in love with Doyoung.

They fight. They fight so much. But the worst part is that it's not even important fighting- ones that can bring real problems. It's all tiny and minuscule. They fight over which jam to spread on their daily bread. (Doyoung wants strawberry, Jaehyun wants orange marmalade.)They fight over the material of their window curtains. (Silk, velvet.) They fight over what color to paint the interior of the bathrooms. (Cream. Light purple.) They fight and fight and fight until Jaehyun storms off, or until Doyoung's voice becomes hoarse, and then later on they fight some more. And Doyoung would be lying if he said this wasn't because he wouldn't just let it go.

But then Doyoung learns more about this real Jaehyun, the one you don't see in front of his parents or important sponsors. The one who disregards his fancy, eloquent language in exchange for childish _La la la I can't hear you!_ fighting and sticking his fingers in his ears until Doyoung proves his opinion to someone who isn't listening.

It's different, this Jaehyun he's learning about. Different from the views he had of him in the beginning. Less of a noble son. More of an arrogant jerk. Less of a uptight prick. More of a real human.

Doyoung wishes he weren't in love with this Jaehyun. He wishes he never even met him.

Jung Jaehyun is an asshole.

+

"You should tell him," Yuta says cheekily one night, when Jaehyun's away (as always) and Doyoung rarely has someone over. They're both naked, too comfortable with each other and their positions on the bed to get up and change after their usual routine.

It's a strictly no feelings, friends with benefits deal. Yuta's the same as Doyoung, married to some foreign rich guy who only speaks Japanese and has connections that helps Yuta's family. The only difference is that he and Yuta are actually friends, cool with each other and the fact that they don't like each other in that way. It's a real roommate type deal for them, unlike Doyoung.

He snorts. "Yeah right, and have my poor maiden be played with? Forget it. Jung Jaehyun doesn't like me back, and never will. He's probably sucking Lee Taeyong's dick as we speak."

"You're always Captain Negative about your situations. You love to torture yourself. How do you even know they're dating?"

"I just do, Yuta." Doyoung sighs and stares at his ugly popcorn ceiling. He counts all the little ridges. _One, two, three, four, seventeen._ "Trust me. I live with the guy. I can figure out where he disappears to every night with no problem."

Yuta stretches out like a cat and yawns. "Whatever, man. You do you. But I think it would be better this way. At the least, you guys could stop fighting all the time. You both know you guys are being dumb. Maybe you could be friends." He gets up and grins at Doyoung. "Make it easier on your maiden heart."

Doyoung kicks him off the bed. "Get outta my house, Nakamoto."

+

They're in another one of their fights. It's different this time, Doyoung hazily thinks through his yelling. It's much different this time.

There's a chance he could be hurt tonight, he knows. And yet, he doesn't stop. His pride is too high up for his heart to drag it down.

"You. I can't stand you. You are so arrogantly stupid, you think everyone likes you just because you're the son of the Kim Corporate and the nation's treasure! You are a nobody without your name. At least your brother has made it for himself as a celebrity! You? Who even are you?" Jaehyun spits out every last word with venom, but none of it hits Doyoung. He is untouchable, until someone pulls out that one special brick on top of the hills of brick that make the throne he's sitting on

"And you are married to this nobody. And you can't change it. You can't change anything, not the fact that you're the useless son out of the three in the Jung family, that they married you off to a nobody because you had no worth but political relations! Try as you might, but you can't change a fucking thing. You can't change our marriage by fucking Lee Taeyong every night. You can't change our marriage by secretly marrying him either! You can't even change our marriage by pretending I don't exist, because I do. This nobody is your _husband_."

And then he snaps. Jaehyun puffs up his chest and opens his mouth and Doyoung doesn't want to hear it, doesn't want to know the truth, doesn't want to see the brick being pulled and his throne toppling out. "You are the reason why I can't be happy."

It feels like a ton of weight is suddenly put on top of Doyoung. He can feel his legs crumbling under and he wants to vomit all over the floor. There it is, the beautiful, unmistakeable elephant in the room. Kim Doyoung is in love with Jung Jaehyun, but Jung Jaehyun is in love with someone else.

But they're married!

Yes, they are.

Maybe Jaehyun realizes the weight he's lifted from his shoulders and placed on Doyoung's, because he steps back and has the decency to shut his mouth. Because he knows too. He's known all along. Known of Doyoung's aching, kindergarten crush all over again, his heart stomped on, his love unreciprocated. Doyoung is tired and he just wants to go to bed and forget about his woes if only for eight hours. He rubs his eyes. "Leave."

Jaehyun leaves their shared bedroom. Screw him. Who cares where he will sleep for the night, because he sure as hell has the courtesy to not enter this room, because Jung Jaehyun is a nice fucking person who only acts like a dick because Doyoung eggs him on, like always. (Doyoung cares. He cares a lot.) He climbs carefully under the covers and lets his heart collapse on the sheets.

He dreams of the world ending. Fireballs are raining from the sky. People are screaming, the earth is dying. In the midst of it all, two people are kissing. And there is a third person, sitting near them, gauging his heart out with a sharpened kitchen knife, watching them kiss as the ground crumbles beneath his feet.

+

The next morning, Doyoung wakes up to the smell of breakfast. As much as he doesn't want to, he drags his feet up and stares at his reflection. Swollen eyes. Swollen cheeks. Depressed-looking face. Disgusting.

Bacon is sizzling on a saucepan. The table is already set for two people, with a plate of toast in the middle with scrambled eggs and hash browns on each plate. There's a pitcher of orange juice, and two jam bottles. Strawberry and orange marmalade.

Jaehyun is at the counter. He looks as nervous as Doyoung's ever seen him, which would make him laugh if he weren't so nervous himself. Jaehyun wipes his hands on his apron and offers a small smile. Doyoung is frozen still.

"I," Jaehyun wipes his already wiped hands again. "Think it's long overdue for a fresh start."

Doyoung doesn't say anything, so Jaehyun continues. "We can start with stuff like this. Meals together. You know, breakfast. It doesn't have to be every meal, but it can become a thing."

He should say something, but he doesn't know what. He's never been good in social situations, and it seems his vocabulary only extends when he argues with people. Jaehyun licks his dry lips expectantly.

"Lee Taeyong and I aren't fucking." Jaehyun says slowly which makes Doyoung look up in surprise.

"But I thought he was your 'real love'," Doyoung says in confusion. "I thought you guys were an item before.... All of this."

"I was lying about that real love thing." Jaehyun clears his throat. "Taeyong and I've had a few flings here and there, but nothing serious. We were never dating."

Huh. How about that. So it's just the same as him and Yuta, then. "I didn't know. You were always at his house."

"Yeah. I crashed. He was only letting me basically live there because he's nice and I clean up after myself."

"I see." Doyoung isn't sure what to do with this newfound information. What is he supposed to do, celebrate?

 _It doesn't mean he likes **you**_ , Pessimistic Doyoung reminded him in his brain.

 _Shut the fuck up_ , he said back.

"So yeah. Not dating." Doyoung nods.

"What I said last night- I didn't mean it." Doyoung is brought to a flashback of the dramatic fight last night and he doesn't want to be at the kitchen table anymore. He wants to go back to bed.

"That was rude, and really uncalled for. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Doyoung says rather faintly, even though it's really not okay and they both know it.

"The truth is, I'm pretty happy when I'm with you, Doyoung." Doyoung is holding his breath. The birds outside are holding their breaths. The whole entire world is holding it's breath, because right now the world is his and Jaehyun's tiny kitchen table, and just him and Jaehyun. Together.

"Even when we fight, it can get annoying, but like, it's fun, you know? I don't hate being around you. You're good conversation at gatherings even if you have a fake personality on. You are a very likable person, Kim Doyoung." Jaehyun looks him straight in the eye. "I. Don't. Mind. You." He accentuates every word.

"Thank you." It turns out Doyoung's throat is dry, so he swallows. "I don't mind you all that much either." ( _Well duh! You're in love with him! He knows you're in love with him!_ )

Jaehyun smiles. That charming, gentle smile Doyoung fell for. "That's good. I would hope so. We're married."

And suddenly everything is okay again. Doyoung and Jaehyun are married. Things aren't perfect, they aren't a picture-perfect Romeo and Juliet couple, but it's fine, because things don't need to be perfect.

They don't need to be perfect.

 

**Author's Note:**

> its about time i wrote an nct fic
> 
> COMMENTS KEEP ME GOING


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